Belonging to a group

Why do we have this need of feeling like we belong to a group?  The need of wanting to be different from everyone but all together. Not as individuals, but as a group? Junkies, Hippies, Vegan, High Potential, religious groups… the list could be long! We want to be different but we still need to belong to  a group of people, as if the individual doesn’t have its place in this world.

Belonging to a group means we can’t really think for ourselves. We are not free. Belonging to a group means we do things the same way, we do things together, according to a whole group. With one person deciding for all the others. This doesn’t work for me. A few years ago, I had this need of feeling and knowing that there were other people like me. But I needed this to accept the fact that there was nothing wrong with me and that others work the same way I do. It helped me accept myself for who I really was. I met people from this “community” and started hanging out with them. But after a couple of times, I didn’t feel like going anymore. And accepting myself was also accepting the fact that I am not someone who can belong to a group, and who can stick with the same people all the time. It  gives me the feeling that I’m stuck, not free to do whatever it is I want to do, when I want to. I need to have people around me but not too close and not all the time. I am too independent for this. Going for a coffee is fine but then I need to be on my own again.

I tried to understand why people need to belonging to a group. A friend of mine asked me this question the other day. Why this need? We might  be different from most people, our brain might work in a different way. Like the brain of a dyslexic person works another way. But in the end, the most important is to find our place in this society. The place that suits us. No matter what the others think as long as we’re happy. Without this feeling that we need to justify ourselves when we don’t do or think or react the way most people do. Or the way that is said to be “normal”. In the end, who defines what is normal and what isn’t? I agree that with the amount of people on earth, there has to be rules. Human being has the ability to analyze, to react depending on a situation and to think. And to adapt. But when the society tries to create robots, I think the individual thinking is important. And must be protected. But I think people are scared of finding themselves alone, scared of taking decisions for themselves and of taking the tiny path that isn’t the one they’ve been used to. Belonging to a group makes them stronger. Make them more confident. But are they really happy, are they really living the life they want? Or are they trying to convince themselves that they are where they should be?

There is a movie I really like because it really reflect what I think: “Divergent”. I think it gives a pretty good image of our society. Each group doing its tasks,  getting in the line. Not one extra move or thought is allowed. Next to this, there are the people called “divergent”. Who don’t fit in one group.Their mind works differently and therefore they are to be exterminated because they mean trouble. It is extreme, it’s a movie. But the idea behind is what’s happening in our society. If you don’t get in the row, you’re out of the system and there aren’t any solution for you. Unless you adapt yourself or go to war. It took me several years to get to this. I mean to  truly be able to accept myself for who I am, even if I know it means that I don’t fit in this society. With my whole body. To process it. Not to just knowing it mentally. But to actually feel it inside. And I am happy with this.

It might sound harsh but groups can really be the problem. Take the religions for example. I am not going to develop this as it would be another topic but  all these people having the need to believe in something, the need of belonging to a community, makes them sheep. They stop thinking for themselves and listen to just one voice. Which could be a good thing or not, this isn’t the point. But it gives away they freedom. It gives away their ability to actually think as an individual. And problems arrive then because when you belong to a group, the insinuative consequence is that you should do everything with the group. And if you do not respect this rule, you start being put aside. There are of course several levels of the consequences of belonging to a group can bring. But from my point of view, I am happy to be a free mind and to be on my own. Not belonging to any group. It’s the way I want to live my life as it is who I am.



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