The “Big Data”

There’s been a few episodes on the Swiss TV about how all our life is basically registered into servers and then sold to advertising companies. These data collectors such as Google, Facebook and a lot more are making a huge part of their profit by selling these data they collect from us. I never liked all these social networks and all these information people usually put out there as I don’t want people, total strangers to have access to my private life without my own consent. So when I saw these documentaries, I thought I’d write a post about the topic.

Nowadays, it’s normal to put your life on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc… the list could be long. If you don’t do it, you’re the weirdo one. But apart from the fact that I don’t see the point of telling all your “friends” that you had a shower or that you broke up with your boyfriend, putting all these information about yourself on the Net gives others a huge quantity of data they can then use for their own purpose. Your phone gives your location 24/7 (unless you turn the location off), all the browsers (unless you use secure ones) will record your data as of which website you’ve been to, your passwords, credit card numbers and so on. If you’re not careful, literally every single move you do is being loaded into servers. Your profile will then be used and sold to companies that will then spam you with ads. This can be quite annoying, according to me as I don’t like to be pushed for doing something. And on top of this, this feeling of being controlled all the time is not what I expect when I use the Net or my phone. Unless I’m being asked for.

Also, when you put your life on these social networks, it gives a pretty good information for robbers to know exactly that they can break into your house without any trouble as the house is empty if you’re on a holiday and you’re posting all yours pics on the Net.

As for me, my location service is turned off, I am considering to “quit” Facebook although it seems that they keep your data even if they say they delete it and I’m willing to get a bit of knowledge in what’s behind the Net to try to use secure browsers.

I know the world is now ruled with the internet and that virtual data will probably keep growing and become the main one in a few decades (or even before), but I think people should at least be aware of all this so they can have a choice in how they want to share their life with the rest of the world.

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What about thinking before buying?

I read a post the other day on Facebook. A mother who picked up her daughter after a kids party, saw her coming back with a small bag full of candies and other thingies that she got during the party. The point she made is so true that I wanted to write about it.

The society we live in is based on consuming. The more the consumption, the more the big firms and even other will make money, which in the end, is what our system works with. We talk about eating organic, about reducing waste, about getting back to simple things in life. But shouldn’t this start with the education we give to our children? As an adult I try to always ask myself if I really need something before buying it. I don’t like to buy clothes unless I actually need some, I try not to waste food by not buying too much, paying attention with the electricity etc… I’m not saying I do it perfectly, no one is perfect. But I think if everyone would become even just a little bit more aware and conscious about the fact that this planet we live on isn’t just our property and that we should take care of it, it could get a lot better. And this would be easier if it would start with the education. I have a niece and nephew. I don’t know what to offer them for Christmas or for their birthdays because they basically have everything. The presents will be fun for 10 min and then, they’ll move on to something else. And if no one makes them realize that all these presents are actually objects that have been produced by some people in another country, often in not the best conditions for them, that they are objects that will take decades to be destroyed once they’ll be thrown away because not used anymore… they will just become another part of this society just consuming but not really enjoying. Couldn’t it be possible for them to enjoy a party for what it actually is? A group of kids, playing together, laughing together with no expectation of getting any present. The problem is that to get to this point, it means that parents actually have to be there and have to play with their kids and have to take the time for this. For sure it takes time. But shouldn’t it be obvious and shouldn’t people think about this and ask themselves if they’re ready to have kids before becoming parents? Shouldn’t they teach their kids their values and these values should maybe be rethought by a good part of the people and make an effort to try to go back to simple things in life? For themselves and for their kids?

I am not saying it is an easy thing to do and I think that even if parents want to teach their kids this kind of values, when the children are at school the whole day and tempted by so many things, it is difficult to say no all the time. But maybe by writing and by saying it, some people will want to make some changes. Small ones, depending on each one’s possibilities… but only then can things change 🙂

 

Why the “need” of drinking while meeting friends, colleagues?

Why is it that guys “need” to drink to a point that they get drunk when they are meeting together?Asking this question to my partner led to some kind of “agitated” discussion (to put it this way :p ) but looking back, I think it was interesting.

Since almost always I’ve heard people asking me why I don’t drink and how can I have fun without drinking. I thought this would be a question you can hear when you’re in your twenties but I still hear it from people over 35. How can I have fun or enjoy an apero without having a beer? I actually think it’s pretty sad to see that some people are surprised to realize that having a Rivella can also be enough to enjoy an apero. But the fact that I don’t drink is actually not the point of my article here, it is more about trying to understand why people need this beverage to have fun. I’m not saying all the people do, but I would say a majority and I don’t think I would be far from the truth (I am not talking here about people addicted to alcohol as this is another topic according to me).

I can totally understand that a glass of wine can be very nice to have, or that any kind of alcohol can. If you think of it it’s the same as enjoying a Starbucks or a fizzy drink or even food (just to clarify before I get angry reactions from wine lovers, I am not comparing wine to a Starbucks but when you don’t like wine, I’m pretty sure the feeling you get when drinking wine can be the same as someone else drinking or eating anything that is very good taste wise, according to this person). But when you have like several glasses of wine, a few beers and maybe other drinks and you’re in a state where you can’t really think properly, I don’t see how you can enjoy anything you drink or even eat. And that’s what I don’t get. I think part of the explanation seats in the fact that people are not so happy with their lives. I mean truly happy. Drinking helps them forget for a little while their situation. I also think that the effect that alcohol has on the body and mind makes it difficult for someone who likes it to stop after starting to get dizzy. Then, alcohol is now so much in people habits that they don’t even realize that it’s actually not good health wise. And that trying to reduce it to some special events would be a good thing. Alcohol is now associated with partying, having fun. According to me this should change. Enjoying a glass of good wine or a beer can be very nice. But drinking to a point where the person isn’t actually able to enjoy it or isn’t even thirsty, where’s the enjoyment there? My partner was telling me that having a drink while meeting friends goes very well with the event. Ok, but if you meet people, it is supposed to be because you actually want to see the people, not because you want to drink right? It’s probably nice to share the drinks, like it’s nice to share a good dinner. But why then the need of overdoing it and of not being able to stop when the limit is reached? Or when you don’t even actually feel like drinking because you actually don’t need more liquid in your body? These are questions I am not able to answer to and it is one of the behaviors I do not understand.

Belonging to a group

Why do we have this need of feeling like we belong to a group?  The need of wanting to be different from everyone but all together. Not as individuals, but as a group? Junkies, Hippies, Vegan, High Potential, religious groups… the list could be long! We want to be different but we still need to belong to  a group of people, as if the individual doesn’t have its place in this world.

Belonging to a group means we can’t really think for ourselves. We are not free. Belonging to a group means we do things the same way, we do things together, according to a whole group. With one person deciding for all the others. This doesn’t work for me. A few years ago, I had this need of feeling and knowing that there were other people like me. But I needed this to accept the fact that there was nothing wrong with me and that others work the same way I do. It helped me accept myself for who I really was. I met people from this “community” and started hanging out with them. But after a couple of times, I didn’t feel like going anymore. And accepting myself was also accepting the fact that I am not someone who can belong to a group, and who can stick with the same people all the time. It  gives me the feeling that I’m stuck, not free to do whatever it is I want to do, when I want to. I need to have people around me but not too close and not all the time. I am too independent for this. Going for a coffee is fine but then I need to be on my own again.

I tried to understand why people need to belonging to a group. A friend of mine asked me this question the other day. Why this need? We might  be different from most people, our brain might work in a different way. Like the brain of a dyslexic person works another way. But in the end, the most important is to find our place in this society. The place that suits us. No matter what the others think as long as we’re happy. Without this feeling that we need to justify ourselves when we don’t do or think or react the way most people do. Or the way that is said to be “normal”. In the end, who defines what is normal and what isn’t? I agree that with the amount of people on earth, there has to be rules. Human being has the ability to analyze, to react depending on a situation and to think. And to adapt. But when the society tries to create robots, I think the individual thinking is important. And must be protected. But I think people are scared of finding themselves alone, scared of taking decisions for themselves and of taking the tiny path that isn’t the one they’ve been used to. Belonging to a group makes them stronger. Make them more confident. But are they really happy, are they really living the life they want? Or are they trying to convince themselves that they are where they should be?

There is a movie I really like because it really reflect what I think: “Divergent”. I think it gives a pretty good image of our society. Each group doing its tasks,  getting in the line. Not one extra move or thought is allowed. Next to this, there are the people called “divergent”. Who don’t fit in one group.Their mind works differently and therefore they are to be exterminated because they mean trouble. It is extreme, it’s a movie. But the idea behind is what’s happening in our society. If you don’t get in the row, you’re out of the system and there aren’t any solution for you. Unless you adapt yourself or go to war. It took me several years to get to this. I mean to  truly be able to accept myself for who I am, even if I know it means that I don’t fit in this society. With my whole body. To process it. Not to just knowing it mentally. But to actually feel it inside. And I am happy with this.

It might sound harsh but groups can really be the problem. Take the religions for example. I am not going to develop this as it would be another topic but  all these people having the need to believe in something, the need of belonging to a community, makes them sheep. They stop thinking for themselves and listen to just one voice. Which could be a good thing or not, this isn’t the point. But it gives away they freedom. It gives away their ability to actually think as an individual. And problems arrive then because when you belong to a group, the insinuative consequence is that you should do everything with the group. And if you do not respect this rule, you start being put aside. There are of course several levels of the consequences of belonging to a group can bring. But from my point of view, I am happy to be a free mind and to be on my own. Not belonging to any group. It’s the way I want to live my life as it is who I am.

 

Changer l’angle de vue

J’ai regardé une vidéo sur Youtube, “Le Pouvoir des Intentions”. Cette vidéo m’a énormément interpellé car elle dit tout haut ce que je pense tout bas depuis des années. Et aussi, elle mets des mots sur le chemin que je parcours depuis quelques temps.

Je l’ai mentionné dans un précédent article, j’ai fait un burn-out il y a un an et demi maintenant. J’aurai mis le temps, cela n’est pas terminé mais je commence à savoir qui je suis et à être en accord avec moi-même. Ca n’est que le début de ma vraie vie et ces deux dernières années ont été vraiment très dures mais je commence à voir le bout du tunnel. Un ami m’a dit il y a peu qu’il y avait toujours la lumière au bout de ce tunnel. Quand on est dans le noir c’est difficile de se dire que ça va s’arrêter. On a même envie de tout arrêter par moment. Etre seule, dans un pays où je me sens chez moi mais qui me donnait l’impression de ne pas vouloir de moi, avoir fait le ménage dans mes relations qui étaient, pour certaines toxiques, quitter mon job. Tout cela m’a fait descendre assez bas mais je vois maintenant que c’était un passage obligatoire pour arriver à m’en sortir. Et quand je dis “m’en sortir”, je veux dire me sortir de cette personne qui n’était pas moi. Enlever la bride que je m’étais laissée mettre depuis des années par les autres. Pour contenter mes parents, pour entrer dans les cases de la société, pour faire ce que l’on attendait de moi. Je savais que je ne voulais pas ça, que je ne rentre pas dans les cases, que je ne veux pas rentrer dans les cases. Je veux être moi. Vivre ma vie. Que cela convienne ou non. Et cela me faisait peur. J’ai donc dû commencer par m’accepter pour ce que je suis vraiment. Cette étape a commencé quand j’ai suivi une thérapie pendant un an et demi et où j’ai appris beaucoup de choses sur moi. Et tout évolue petit à petit. J’intègre les choses et c’est ça qui prend du temps.

La personne que je considérais comme ma meilleure amie jusqu’à l’année dernière me disait que je n’appliquais pas les mêmes règles pour moi et les autres. Elle avait raison. Je le savais. Mais je ne voulais pas me l’avouer. Parce que la vrai barrière, le vrai blocage pour être heureux est soi-même. Et les mensonges que l’on se raconte pour se voiler la face. Faire tomber ces barrières et se regarder vraiment en face est la chose la plus terrifiante qu’il soit je pense. Parce que, deep down, on sait ce que l’on va trouver. Mais à savoir si l’on est capable de gérer ce qui va sortir et de réellement vivre pour soi, c’est une autre question. Et je dirais, une autre étape. Il faut laisser le temps au temps. C’est ce que j’ai appris, à mes dépens, mais c’était nécessaire. Laisser le temps faire les choses. Lâcher prise. Ne pas garder le contrôle. Ca fait peur, mais ça vient petit à petit.

Pour parler scientifique, le cerveau a un circuit neuronal bien rôdé. Les pensées, dites automatiques, empruntent le même chemin. Celui qui a été construit depuis des années, depuis notre naissance en fonction de notre éducation et de tout un tas d’autres facteurs. Changer, se reconnecter avec soi-même implique la création de nouveaux chemins. De nouvelles connections neuronales. Et l’on sait maintenant que ces nouvelles connections sont possibles, même à l’âge adulte. Mais cela demande un effort. Au début, il faudra faire un effort conscient pour forcer la pensée à utiliser un autre chemin. Pour engendrer une autre réaction ou une autre pensée automatique selon l’événement déclencheur. Puis, petit à petit, ce nouveau chemin (ou nouvelle connection neuronale) deviendra la route principale et l’ancienne tombera en désuétude pour ne plus du tout être utilisée après un certain temps. Parvenir à faire ces changements permettent de changer notre vision des choses. De changer les vibrations que l’on dégage et d’attirer d’autres personnes, d’autres réponses. Des réponses en adéquation avec la personne que l’on est vraiment.

 

Be part of a change

I did an introduction of 4 days on hypnosis. During these days, images came to my mind, images that I felt safe in, images representing the life I would like to live. But in the end, anyone can live the life he wants. We choose our life. We make choices, all the time. There is always a choice. Even when we think we do not have the choice. We are part of a society that creates robots. A society where everyone needs to have its place and if you don’t fit in it, you’re aside, you don’t have your place. This is more or less how I felt my whole life. Until not that long ago when I realized I had the choice. When I realized I am the only person responsible for what happens to me. And I am the only person who can actually change something in order to be happy.

About a year and a half ago now I’ve been burned out. When this happened, I quit everything. My job, the guy I was with dumped me, I stopped some classes I was taking, I decided I would go in China to get a bachelor in Chinese Medicine… Looking back now, this China idea wasn’t maybe a bad idea. But I also think it was a way of running away. I didn’t know what to do with my life, so I was about to do as I always did, put myself into something and not think or feel if it was the right choice for me or not. Luckily, I got in touch with a wise person who made me realize I was going about to make a mistake. Therefore, I cancelled the China project and stayed in Switzerland. I was in the swiss-german part at this time. I found a job immediately but wasn’t happy in it. Then I had another one, same. I quit last September. It took me a few months to decide that I would move back to the french part of the country as this is where my place is. It’s been now 5 months and I feel better every day. I still don’t really know what to do with my life but at least I found a nice place to live where I will move in about a month. In the nature. A place that suits me. That was one of the first decisions I made while listening to myself. Not trying to rationalize or to overthink the decision. I just did it.

I am still looking for a job as I need the money. This is the part I don’t like because it’s what the society puts you into. However, it’s all again about choices. And I choose to stay in this country. It’s my home. For someone who doesn’t have any roots like me, feeling at home somewhere is a big deal. I don’t want to lose this and I will fight for it. I simply fell in love with this country. It is not an easy country to live in, the people aren’t the most open people on earth but it suits me. The nature is amazing, respect means something for the people (at least most of them) and I feel safe here. All this made me take this decision. So I will find a job, a job that pays the rent, but I will do it in order to get to do what truly makes me happy inside. That’s the way I see it. I will use the system instead of being used by it.

One important thing for me is nature. I want it to be preserved. Creating my own cosmetics is a way of participating. If I can also motivate people to do it or if I can manage to make nice ones so that I can sell them, not in order to make money as I wouldn’t want to sell them at a high price but in order for people to use products that have as minimum impact on the planet as possible. Living in the nature, buying second hand furniture is also what I will be doing. I am not saying that I am going to live back the life our ancestors had! I want to enjoy my life but not in a silly way. Not as a robot being part of this consumption society we’re in. But as a proper person, who makes her own choices, being conscious of the effects it will have. And I truly think that if most of us would do the same, the planet and our civilization wouldn’t be in danger. Because if we keep going this same way, it is not the planet we will destroy, Earth has been there for billions years and it will still be there after us. It is the human civilization we are destroying. And life itself.

Compulsions alimentaires

J’ai pensé que cet article pourrait en intéresser quelques-unes (je dis “unes” parce que les troubles alimentaires se retrouvent beaucoup plus fréquemment chez les femmes que chez les hommes).

Il est tiré de Rose-Marie Richon, thérapeute humaniste qui a été confronté aux troubles de l’alimentation pendant plusieurs années.

On entend toute sorte de régime. Avec l’arrivée de l’été les magazines fleurissent de nouveaux régimes, tous soi-disant encore mieux que les autres. Le problème de ces regimes est qu’ils créent le plus souvent des carences. Et qu’a la fin du regime, les kilos reviennent vite, voir plus.

La prise de poids est certes liée a une alimentation saine et équilibrée (même si a mon avis c’est important de se faire plaisir!), une activité physique régulière mais un point important et qui me parait crucial est la gestion ou plutôt digestion de nos émotions.

Quesaquo??

Tout commence par le fonctionnement de notre cerveau. Il est divisé en trois parties distinctes à savoir:

  • le cortex: c’est celui qui va décider de mincir. Celui qui sera plein de bonnes intentions pour relever le défi.
  • le cerveau limbique: il gère les émotions et adore la récompense. C’est celui qui se moque royalement des bourrelets et qui ne pense qu’à la gratification immédiate notamment avec ces “aliments doudous”.
  • le cerveau reptilien: il assure la survie et contient les mémoires archaïques. Il est encore plus puissant que le cerveau limbique. Il se crispe dès qu’il y a un danger, adore la routine. Une restriction alimentaire lui rappelle les famines.

On se retrouve donc à deux contre un et la volonté seule ne fait pas ou difficilement le poids.

Outre la frustration engendrée par la restriction, le fait que ces régimes manquent souvent de bonnes graisses contribue à agir sur l’humeur. Ces bonnes graisses sont indispensables à la synthèse des hormones et des neurotransmetteurs. Le fait de s’affamer va engendrer un déséquilibre au niveau des systèmes nerveux et hormonal d’où une sensibilité accrue aux émotions. De plus, la sensation de bien-être générée par l’alimentation est très puissante, autant qu’une drogue pour les personnes y étant sensibles.

Il est donc indispensable d’apprendre à gérer et accueillir ses émotions. Le problème est que les personnes souffrant de troubles alimentaires se sont tellement blindées pour ne pas souffrir qu’il est difficile de remonter à la source, à l’événement déclencheur qui a pu intervenir, parfois, quelques jours avant la compulsion.

Afin de comprendre ce comportement automatique il faut dérouler le fil. Cela passe par 3 étapes:

  • Il se produit un événement qui va entraîner une pensée automatique.
  • Cette pensée est négative mais la personne n’en a pas forcément conscience car cela va trop vite.
  • Emotion qui en découle. Il est aussi souvent difficile de l’identifier car cela va très vite. Mais la sensation est tellement désagréable que le comportement automatique arrive et on mange.

Cela peut ensuite générer une autre pensée automatique parce que la personne ne se sentira pas bien du fait d’avoir craqué et on retombe dans le schéma. C’est ce qui s’appelle un cercle vicieux qui va entraîner des conflits internes entre la personne et elle-même.

Je fais une petite aparté sur les émotions. Cela n’est pas forcément le cas pour tout le monde mais on peut faire ressortir deux types d’émotions, chacune engendrant des pulsions alimentaires vers des aliments différents. Il y a les émotions “de tête” qui sont la colère, l’agressivité et toutes les émotions liées au stress. Les aliments consommés dans ce cas là seraient essentiellement des aliments croquant à savoir gâteaux, fruits secs, chips. Il y a des émotions “de coeur”, la tristesse, solitude, fatigue, besoin de réconfort. Ici la tendance serait de consommer des aliments à la texture moelleuse.

Pour en revenir à nos moutons, outre l’aspect psychologique de la chose, il y a l’aspect physiologique qui est important de mentionner car il permet aussi de comprendre nos réactions au niveau psychologique (car malgré les “on-dits”, mental et corporel sont totalement liés!!).

Tout se passe au niveau du foie. La toxine appelle la toxine et ici, le sucre appelle le sucre. Une hyperglycémie entraîne une hypoglycémie réactionnelle (suite à la libération d’insuline par le pancréas et au stockage du sucre par le foie sous forme de glucose) qui entraîne donc un nouvel appel au sucre. Le foie s’encrasse avec des stocks inutiles de glycogène. Cela créé des déséquilibres hormonaux qui influent directement sur l’humeur.

Quelles solutions? Après avoir trop mangé, il peut être bien d’aider la digestion avec la prise d’huiles essentielles comme la menthe poivrée, basilic, romarin. Attendre ensuite que la faim revienne et lui donner alors les meilleurs aliments possibles afin de bien nourrir la cellule. Une cellule bien nourrie fonctionnera bien et ne fera pas appel au sucre. En revanche, au niveau émotionnel, le mécanisme peut prendre plus de temps à changer. Il est important de ne pas se culpabiliser, si un besoin “d’aliments doudous” se fait encore sentir et que l’on craque, se pardonner est un premier pas. Essayer ensuite de comprendre ce qui s’est passé aidera à éviter que cela se reproduise. Pas nécessairement du premier coup mais avec le temps cela viendra. Mais pour cela il est importat d’écrire afin d’identifier, au bout d’un moment, quel est le besoin non couvert sur l’instant qui est l’élément déclencheur. Le fait de reconnaîtrece besoin est un très grand pas en avant et permettra par la suite de compenser par autre chose ou de le gérer afin de ne pas se tourner vers ces “aliments doudous”.  Enfin, sur le plus long terme, apprendre ou réapprendre a déguster, à bien mastiquer et prendre un plaisir de gourmet à manger afin de voir l’alimentation comme un plaisir qui nous soigne plutôt que comme une pulsion qui nous calme sur le moment mais qui nous fait nous sentir tellement mal après coup.

Tout cela prend du temps. Cela peut paraître un travail de titan au début, une aide est souvent nécessaire, mais avec de la patience et de la bienveillance envers soi-même il est possible de réapprendre à aimer manger et aimer se faire du bien tout en pouvant se regarder dans la glace ensuite et être fière de ce que l’on y voit 🙂

 

 

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